karen Nakamura’s Deaf Resource Library – online collection of reference materials and links about deaf      culture and hearing impaired related issues.

Word’s Unspoken by Danny Elam  Copyright 1999

My hearing would continue to deteriorate
at 36 year’s old  I’d be Deaf
Doctor’s only guess, and dont have the answer’s
I would feel completely lost
hearing aids would make everything sound strange
That plastic bag’s & key’s would make me cringe
the ear molds would make my ears bleed
dizziness would become a way of life
I would never be able to go to TGI Friday’s again
my alarm clock would be useless
Meniere’s has no cure
Ear ulcers make you hate hearing aids
that in there silence there is no solitude
I would feel like a burden on my family
I’d have constant migraine’s
my wife would scream into my hearing aids
I’d lose my career
I’d be engulfed in anger
the pressure in my head wouldn’t go away
I wouldn’t be able to hear the doorbell or phone
I’d have to educate people about my deafness
my own voice would become more distant
the effort to "hear" would be exhausting
the tinnitus would keep me awake at night
I’d never enjoy music again
I’d lose my friends
the isolation would engulf me
retail clerk’s would be rude & ignorant
I’d be scared
the telephone would become my enemy
meniere’s is an synonym for Hell
the room would spin for hours on end
I’d see so much sadness in my wife’s eyes
my mind would feel cloudy all the time
Depression would become a close friend
people would equate deafness with being dumb
closed captioning doesn’t tell you everything that’s said
I’d become afraid and unsure of myself
my  tape & CD collection would be useless
My children would be frustrated
My wife would become a stranger
My family would avoid me
I’d  feel isolated from the world
 
 
 

Existence by Danny Elam  Copyright 1999
 

As the sound of my own voice vanishes farther and farther in the distance , losing itself in the vortex of nothingness, I find myself enveloped in a shroud of silence. The world itself , a surreal , abstract , painting ,having the beauty of the ages to the hearing , but for me, a place of solitude. For the din of noisy car horn’s, traffic, people shouting, and factories churning, have all but disappeared. The beauty of Mozart, and the Love in my wife’s voice, are slowly leaving me, condemning me to a vast, dark, void, where the Second sense no longer applies.

 While sound slowly becomes a memory, and my reality becomes silence, there is no peace or refuge in the soundlessness, for the tortuous, never ending howls of the Tinnitus ,are a tumultuous ,dark , eternal reminder of  a Treasure which is forever lost to Me.
It is these sounds, these phantom , spectral ,audiological  ghosts that overtake the silence with a fury, exploding in my head , enveloping my conscious thought,  robbing me of serenity, sleep, and sanity. An inexplicable phenomena of Sound, where no Sound can exist, a voice in the void, always taunting, always teasing, forever reminding me of the ominous Death of my hearing.

In this World of transition and mortality, We grieve the loss of friend’s , and Family, finding solace in their cherished memories, and peace, in knowing their place is with God, At the Death of Sound, we find solace is nonexistent , the mourning perpetual, there are no cherished memories to be found.

 And while we see Death as a complete and final ending to life, we find the death of sound to be so much more diabolical. For in and of itself it is a foreboding, as if to say that physical death will not come all at once , but instead you are sentenced to perish slowly, one piece at a time, until all your parts slowly disintegrate into nothingness and oblivion ….
 

This abyss is a place where the Demons of Silence, nothingness and void surround you in a vaporous fog of confusion, bewilderment, and mystification , Restraining you from the living World, as you stand , frozen into place, unable to break free of your bond’s , you are powerless as the Minion’s of Silence render their evil work, adding brick and mortar to the wall of soundlessness surrounding you, the wall of separation, the wall of desolation, forever entombing  you to the world of Silent Isolation and despair.

This has become my world.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Deafness & Marriage By Danny Elam  Copyright 1999
 

Like a time machine that’s out of whack
that transports only forward and never back
these walls of silence do odd things to time
they twist and bend it out of line
the silence stretches minutes till they scream
yet make the years melt like dreams
sometimes I cant remember who I used to be
I really dont know what’s left of me

The Silence warps the seasons too
robs the earth of green the sky of blue
perhaps it’s winter where you are
with springs sweet kiss not so far
but then the summer heat descends,
stifles sears and finally rends
patience and reason from my soul
the silence inside these walls extract their toll

and when I cant remember who I used to be
I think what’s in your heart
is all that left of me
 
 

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